Why Did I Wait?

What happens when you hand a 40 something woman a big assed empty house and a pretty open bank account? She goes bat shit redecorating and overthinks EVERYTHING. Yep. That is me. Right now.

It occurred to me this morning as I placed my upteenth order on Amazon that I am trying to rebuild my entire life right now. Everything. I am sitting here with no job. My kids are off building their own lives. I have ripped apart rooms. Hung new blinds on the windows. Fixed plumbing. Rehung doors. Emptied closets. I know with every ounce of my being that I have driven my husband crazy on the daily…and it’s because I am trying to figure out my own life.

I have felt a bit lost these past few months however, there is something else that I have experienced. I am starting to find myself again. This part of me that was put away when I became a Mom..and a wife. A business woman. I have to admit that I am starting to really dig it.

Why, as Moms do we wait this long to get our own shit together? We put our own dreams on hold to raise kids and get married, start careers. WHY?

I am 48 years old and I am just now figuring out what makes me tick. I know the type of people that I enjoy being around. I know the things that make me excited…and the things that don’t. What I don’t know, and wish that I did, was why on earth I had to wait so damn long to figure it all out.

Competition and High School

What is with people and their need to tear each other down? Is it so difficult to not talk shit about another human who may be doing things differently than you? Or maybe allow room for others to be on a similar path that you are on without being threatened by them?

I experience this issue quite frequently. Maybe that is why I notice it so readily or perhaps it is the reason that it urks me so much.

It was an issue for me as a yoga instructor. Especially when my yoga program garnered some national media attention. Other instructors began talking negatively about me, my training and the way I was offering yoga in my area.

I faced it again in the Jeep community. My hub and I started a group geared toward female Jeepers because we saw a need in the community. Others took the opportunity to begin tearing down what we were building by personally attacking our members.

And now, that we are back in the dog world, trying to be all inclusive with our training and sport participation, I am seeing similar situations. Trainers speaking poorly of other trainers. Shit talking owners for their breeds of choice, training methods and their use of trainers or facilities. Why ????

Why can’t people be comfortable with being all encompassing for methods, facilities, paths, intentions? Why do we have to be a society of petty filled hate mongers? Why does there have to be an all or nothing? In the words of my brilliant husband: “Why do we have to choose?”

I have always had a gift of being able to participate in things and soak up just what I may need from the situation. I don’t have to take it ALL to heart. I can pick and choose the things from people in my life that work for ME and recognize that maybe those same things don’t work for everyone else. It doesn’t have to be an all or nothing thing for me. I appreciate that some trainers in the dog community have different methods. I love that I go to a couple of different indoor facilities to train…and I adore that I have a great outdoor space to work my dog that he and I both love more than words.

I soaked up other yoga styles when I was teaching. I found methodologies that I loved. Verbage that I liked and felt comfy with. I incorporated it ALL into my classes. This apparently ruffled some feathers.

I can’t possibly be the only human that can soak up ONLY the information/training/pieces that work for me and leave the rest without insulting the messenger, can I?

Have you ever been in a situation where you may not agree 100% with something but you were able to find some common ground with which to stand? I would love to hear about it in the comments.

Holy Jesus Taliban: The Birth.

I used to be an Iphone gal. I was in LOVE with my Iphone. It had a name and it was in fact my BFF. If i dropped it, I appologized. Each time I would enter something into my calendar, or send an email, I would stroke it lovingly. It was attached to me at almost every one of my waking moments. Then, my Dad got an Android…and called me 3 days in to tell me that he was going to run it over with his car…and he fully expected me to fix it.

The only solution at the time, that wouldn’t kill my bank account was to trade him my beloved Iphone for his….*gulp* Android. And so…my new life began.

And I fell in love even harder. Do you know why? Because the Android phone took better photos. It synched easier to all of my other essentials and it would translate my voice to text in ways that made me almost piss myself on a regular basis.

As a result of my trade…and my busy life…and my phone’s ability to more accurately make me giggle, I got in the habit of not proof reading texts to my sister before hitting send. She awarded me this same “gift”. Leaving me to my own devices to translate any “miscommunications”. Couple this with my sister and my total epic level of sarcasm and our amazing wit…and we are left with this category for my blog.

Although, to this day, I am don’t recall the entire conversation that graced the translation of “Holy Fucking Christ” into “Holy Jesus Taliban” I do know that the new phrase is now part of our daily conversation. Against my husband’s advice, I have decided to share our other rather creative text conversations for your enjoyment. (Or eye rolls if you don’t own a funny bone and find us nearly as entertaining as we find ourselves.)

Welcome to our circus.